Brezhnev-era political jokes are the most interesting, they can make you laugh to death. Stalin-era political jokes are more complicated. These two are the highlights, but I would like to start with Khrushchev.
Khrushchev was hand-picked by Stalin to rise up, but as we all know clearly, in 1953, after becoming the supreme leader of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, Khrushchev immediately initiated a series of de-Stalinization reforms in the Soviet Union, and even made a secret report denouncing Stalin in 1956.
In addition, Khrushchev also moved Stalin's body out of Lenin's Tomb, and renamed cities or streets named after Stalin, such as Stalingrad, which was changed to Volgograd in 1961. So many people accused Khrushchev of being an ungrateful wolf with white eyes. There is a joke that says:
Khrushchev went to visit the United States, and when he came back he was in a very bad mood. Mikoyan asked him why he was unhappy. Khrushchev said Kennedy told me that the United States had invented a machine that could bring the dead back to life. In order not to let him think the Soviet Union was backward, I just blew it up and said we had invented a way to make people run faster than cars. But what if I can't fulfil my bragging? Mikoyan said, don't worry, there will be no problem with this. You let Kennedy demonstrate the US technology first. As long as Stalin can be revived, I guarantee you will run faster than cars.
Similar jokes, I also found two more. One said that Khrushchev wanted to bury Stalin's remains overseas, so he solicited opinions from other countries. The UK replied: We already have Churchill here, one hero of the Great War is enough. Germany replied: We already have Hitler here, one dictator is too many. Finally, after making a round of phone calls, only Israel indicated that it could receive Stalin's remains. But Khrushchev did not agree, because someone had been resurrected in Jerusalem before!
Another joke says that at the 20th Congress of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, Khrushchev suddenly disappeared before making the secret report denying Stalin. After a few minutes he came back again, and people asked him, Comrade Khrushchev, where did you just go? Khrushchev replied, I went to Lenin's Tomb to check if Stalin still had a pulse, just in case.
So why did Khrushchev deny Stalin? I think the reason lies in that he had always been by Stalin's side. On the one hand, he knew Stalin very well, on the other hand, he also deeply felt the fear of being around Stalin. So after coming to power, he wanted to make some changes to the Soviet Union. In fact, for Khrushchev himself, this was also very difficult, because as a confidant of Stalin and a successor personally cultivated by him, everything Stalin had done, Khrushchev had participated deeply and was at the forefront. Therefore, denying Stalin was tantamount to denying himself. From this perspective, Khrushchev's denial of Stalin did require great courage and determination, but he still decided to do so. The ultimate goal was to carry out a self-saving reform. After all, Khrushchev still wanted to save this problem-ridden country.
However, although Stalin was dead, his influence was still deeply rooted. Therefore, Khrushchev's reforms met with fierce resistance from conservative forces. So in this case, what Khrushchev could do was to unite the power of the Soviet people, so he came up with an idea, which was to introduce a series of extremely optimistic and unrealistic plans for the future, in the hope of gaining the support of the Soviet people. For example, in 1961, Khrushchev turned the ultimate goal of the Communist Party's struggle, namely the realization of communism, into the current task of the Soviet Union, proposing to achieve the most ideal social life in 20 years. By 1970, the Soviet Union's per capita production would surpass that of the United States. By 1980, everything from education, medical care, rent, water, electricity, heating, transportation, to eating, in short, everything you can think of in terms of food, clothing, housing and transportation will be free. Of course Khrushchev knew this was not very realistic. His intention was to give hope to the Soviet people, so as to unite the Soviet people. But he didn't expect that when these goals could not be achieved, people would fall into deep disillusionment. After that, no matter what you say, people will no longer believe it, but will give fierce ridicule. Therefore, the political jokes of the Khrushchev era often reflected this sense of disillusionment.
The most famous one was Khrushchev's corn planting. In 1954, in order to improve the food supply in the Soviet Union, Khrushchev launched the corn campaign, frantically developing virgin land in Siberia and Kazakhstan. Agriculture is highly dependent on the natural environment on the one hand, and highly dependent on farmers' experience on the other. Obviously, these two places did not have the conditions to grow corn. In fact, looking back today, if you really want to do it, it is not impossible. As long as you start from reality, gradually improve the land environment, whether it is greenhouses, irrigation, fertilizers, we don't know about that, and train local farmers, I cannot say that Soviet corn will be self-sufficient and exported all over the world immediately, but it is doable.
However, in an environment where the campaign style was very strong, the Soviet officials gave blind commands, and in the end it was a mess. By 1957, Khrushchev proposed to catch up with the US meat and milk production in 3-5 years. As a result, it was messed up in the end, and the Soviet food shortage reached an unbelievable level in 1963. At that time, there were many jokes ridiculing Khrushchev's agricultural campaigns.
Someone asked what Khrushchev's hairstyle was called? People answered: 1963’s agricultural harvest. There is another joke that asks what the harvest will be like in 1964? The answer is worse than 1963, but better than 1965.
The next joke is even more vicious. At a press conference, someone asked, who is this year's Nobel Prize winner? The answer was Khrushchev. The reporter asked, what were Khrushchev's achievements? The answer was that he was the first person to plant in Siberia and harvest in Canada.
There is also a joke that says Khrushchev went to inspect a collective farm, and accidentally fell into the vegetable cellar. A farmer pulled him out, and Khrushchev said to him, thank you good brother, but please don't tell anyone that I fell into the vegetable cellar. The farmer replied, Comrade Nikita Sergeyevich, please also do not tell anyone that I pulled you out of the vegetable cellar.
Even after Khrushchev stepped down, jokes ridiculing his agricultural practices continued to emerge. One joke says that after Khrushchev stepped down, the Soviet Cancer Research Center invited him to serve as leader. Khrushchev was confused at the time. He said I know nothing about cancer, how can you let me lead the cancer center? The cancer center said, when you were in charge of agriculture, there was no bread very quickly, maybe you will have the same effect on cancer.
In short, because of a series of unrealistic policies, the Soviet people had completely lost confidence in Khrushchev. Three jokes can reflect this.
The first one goes like this, very short.
Q: What is the longest joke in the world? A: Khrushchev's speech at the party congress.
The second joke is about Khrushchev visiting a school. He asked a student who your father was? The student replied: the great ideal of the Soviet Union. Khrushchev was very satisfied, and then asked who your mother was? The student replied: the Soviet Union. Khrushchev was even more satisfied, and then he asked, what do you want to be when you grow up? The student said he wanted to be an orphan.
The last joke is longer. Khrushchev visited the United States, and Kennedy gave him a phone that could call heaven or hell, the latest high-tech product in the United States. After returning to the Soviet Union, one day he picked up the phone: Hello, please transfer Comrade Stalin for me. After a while, the operator replied: Sorry, no such person, please confirm the number and dial again. Khrushchev thought, isn't Stalin in heaven? Let me try calling hell: Hello, please transfer Comrade Stalin for me. The operator replied: Comrade Stalin is online, I will transfer you to him now. So Khrushchev gave Stalin a detailed report on the latest revolutionary situation and international struggle. At the end of the month, the phone bill was sent to the Kremlin. Khrushchev was shocked to see that the call to heaven was less than 1 minute, but the fee was $100. However, the call to hell was over 1 hour, but the phone bill was only $1. Khrushchev was puzzled, so he called Kennedy to ask. Kennedy replied: The thing is, your calls to heaven from the Soviet Union are long distance, but calls to hell are local calls.
Overall, Khrushchev's reforms were indeed a failure, but in any case, the propaganda departments of the Soviet Union still had the usual tone, frantically touting the situation was excellent. Naturally, this contrast between hype and reality was also turned into joke material by the Soviet people. Let me tell you a few:
Q: What is the most stable thing in the Soviet Union? A: Temporary difficulties.
Q: How can we know world news? A: Just listen to TASS reports backwards.
Q: Which is more useful, radio or newspapers? A: Newspapers, because at least you can wrap things with newspapers.
Q: What is the difference between television and toilet? A: Although they are filled with the same stuff, the toilet allows you to see more clearly and intuitively.
It is said that Alexander the Great, Caesar and Napoleon were invited together to Red Square to watch the Soviet military parade. Alexander the Great said: If I had tanks like these, I would definitely be able to conquer the world. Caesar said: If I had planes like these, I would definitely be able to conquer the world. Napoleon said: If I had the Pravda newspaper, no one would know about the Battle of Waterloo.
Although the economy was messed up by Khrushchev, the Khrushchev era cannot be generalized. At least compared to the Stalin era, the ten years of the Khrushchev era, the cultural atmosphere and social atmosphere of the Soviet Union were relatively relaxed. So in this environment, people also began to ridicule their past silence, cowardice and collective guilt. One joke, which should be the most famous joke about Khrushchev:
It is said that Khrushchev was denouncing Stalin at the plenary session, when someone suddenly shouted from below: Where were you when these cruel things happened? Khrushchev roared angrily, who is shouting there? No one dared to respond. He roared loudly again, still no one dared to respond. So Khrushchev said, that's where I was at the time.
However, no matter how it is said, the Khrushchev era was after all the Soviet Union, so there would still be many people who would get into trouble for inappropriate remarks, including telling Khrushchev's jokes. But even so, it still could not stop people's enthusiasm for telling jokes. For example, in 1956, 3,500 people were arrested for anti-Soviet propaganda, many of whom were for telling Khrushchev's jokes. 3,500 people, of course, was much smaller in scale than in the Stalin era, and the punishment was not as severe as in the Stalin era. Most people were eventually sentenced to 2-6 years of labor reform. At that time, the Soviet Union had such a joke:
The question is: what changes did Khrushchev bring? The answer is: if you wanted to say bad things about Stalin in the past, you would definitely be shot. But recently, saying Khrushchev is a fool, you will be sentenced to 6 years at most for divulging secrets.
In fact, it was not only domestic policy, Khrushchev's diplomacy was also seen by the Soviet people as a failed diplomacy, such as supporting the construction of the Berlin Wall in East Germany, withdrawing Soviet experts, attempting to control China militarily, leading to the deterioration of Sino-Soviet relations, and of course the Cuban Missile Crisis. There was also Khrushchev's image, which was not popular with the Soviet people. The impression the Soviet people give us should be tall and mighty, with a rather majestic demeanor. But Khrushchev was short, fat-headed and big-eared, looking like a peasant. The Soviet people believed that Khrushchev did not match the national strength and international image of the Soviet Union. And he had an irritable temper, loved rashness, rude words and unconstrained speech. For example, once Khrushchev went to an art exhibition and scolded the artist's painting as dog shit in front of the artist, saying that a donkey painting with its tail would be better than this. And once at a meeting with the British ambassador, Khrushchev's words were astonishing. He said it would take just 6 hydrogen bombs to deal with Britain, and only 9 to deal with France. In 1960, at the United Nations rostrum, Khrushchev even took off his shoes and banged on the table, making the Soviet people feel that their face was completely lost. Against Khrushchev's casual personality, the Soviet Union also made a lot of jokes. One joke says:
One day Khrushchev was pacing worriedly back and forth in the Kremlin. The annoyed him spat on the carpet. His assistant reminded him, Comrade Nikita Sergeyevich, please do not forget that the great Lenin walked on this carpet. Khrushchev roared: Shut up, I spit wherever I want to spit, the Queen of England also said I can spit like this. The assistant was very surprised and asked: The Queen of England? Khrushchev said: Of course, I also spat on her carpet at Buckingham Palace. She told me, Mr. Khrushchev, you cannot do this here, you can do it in the Kremlin.
Well, that's all for Soviet political jokes from the Khrushchev era. So today, looking back, if we were a Soviet person, how would we evaluate Khrushchev's merits and demerits? Let's take a look at Khrushchev's evaluation of himself. On October 17, 1964, Brezhnev and others launched a sudden attack on Khrushchev. At that time, Khrushchev resisted almost not at all. That night, Khrushchev called Mikoyan and said he was old and tired too, let them mess around, he had already done the main things. Who dared to tell Stalin that he no longer suited our needs? Who dared to ask Stalin to retire? Now everything is different, there is no more fear, we can all speak equally, this is my contribution, I won't compete with them. It can be seen that Khrushchev's evaluation of himself was still very high. He believed that he had eliminated the abuses of the Stalin era and rejuvenated the atmosphere in the Soviet Union.
More than 40 years later, Gorbachev recalled that at the time he was still a cadre at the team level. Many educated young people around him were very excited after hearing Khrushchev's report. So Gorbachev praised Khrushchev for daring to take risks to correct historical errors and proving to future generations that he was a man of moral character. It can be said that Khrushchev did have a great influence on Gorbachev's generation. It was also these people who later replaced Brezhnev and pushed the Soviet Union back onto the road of reform. But unfortunately, like Khrushchev, not only did they mess things up, they also made the Soviet Union collapse.
Of course, no matter what the effect is, Khrushchev's original intention was good (yeah we always say this: good intention, but carried out in bad way by cadres). He wanted to open the doors and windows of the ossified Soviet Union to let in fresh air and ideas, Khrushchev made the last effort to save it when the ideals and beliefs of the Soviet Union collapsed and lost effect. It turned out that he did make some changes to the Soviet Union to a certain extent. But on the one hand, Khrushchev's steps were too big and he turned too sharply, but people had long been used to the way of life under Stalin's rule, and were frightened and at a loss in the face of sudden changes. On the other hand, there was also tremendous resistance within the Soviet system itself. Plus Khrushchev's own ability issues, eventually still powerless to turn the tide.
So the Khrushchev era saw efforts to de-Stalinize as well as many vestiges retained from the Stalin era, which led to mixed assessments of Khrushchev from later generations. Russia once did an opinion poll saying that of all the Russian leaders in the 20th century, Russians only had good feelings about two people, one was Tsar Nicholas II, and the other was Khrushchev. Because they believed that Nicholas II did more good than harm, while Khrushchev did both good and bad things, the merits and demerits balanced out. But the other Russian leaders of this century all did more harm than good.
In October 1964, Khrushchev sadly stepped down, and his reforms also stopped abruptly. On September 11, 1971, Khrushchev died in obscurity at the age of 77. After Khrushchev's death, he was buried in Moscow's Novodevichy Cemetery. He was also the only Soviet leader not buried outside the Kremlin wall in Red Square. Khrushchev's tombstone was half black marble and half white marble, which also symbolized his controversial life. At that time, the official Soviet media adopted a very cold attitude towards Khrushchev's death. Some newspapers did not even report on it. But the Soviet people still expressed their recognition of Khrushchev and flocked to his grave to pay their respects and remembrance. Of course, what people missed was not those absurd reforms that made Soviet people destitute, but Khrushchev's courage to make changes to the Soviet Union of the Stalin era, the relatively relaxed political and social environment brought about by Khrushchev, and of course the jokes produced because of Khrushchev.
It is said that in 1965, a Soviet person wrote a letter to Moscow requesting the restoration of Khrushchev's position. His reason was that although Khrushchev had no bread, he could make jokes. Ten years without bread was not as unbearable as one year without jokes. Finally, let's talk about one more joke about Khrushchev:
The child asked grandma: Grandma, was Lenin good? Grandma said: Of course, my child, he was very good. What about Stalin? Was he bad?
Bad, of course bad.
What about Khrushchev? How was he? We'll know when he dies.