The Brezhnev era was called the era of stagnation. Although Khrushchev's reforms were very limited, he still had ideals and beliefs. At least he made the last effort to save the Soviet Union. Compared to the harsh and airtight Stalin era, we can say to a certain extent that Khrushchev changed the Soviet Union and gave the Soviet people a glimmer of hope. But Brezhnev reversed it all back, and the already slim hope was completely shattered. Moreover, Brezhnev ruled the Soviet Union for eighteen years, until Lenin and Stalin took him away.
It can be said that Brezhnev did not believe in the Soviet Union's set of ideals and beliefs at all, of course he may not have understood them either, but he still used the big empty rhetoric to propagandize the Soviet people, and also created the illusion of prosperity and vigorous progress in the Soviet Union through propaganda. Here is a joke about this:
It is said that Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev were on a train trip together. As they went along, the train suddenly stopped. Stalin stuck his head out the window and roared: Shoot the train driver! But the train did not move. Then Khrushchev poked his head out and shouted: Rehabilitate the train driver! But the train still did not move. Finally, Brezhnev said: Comrades, why don't we just close the curtains, sit in our seats, and rock our bodies to pretend the train is still moving.
The British philosopher Thomas Paine has a famous quote: When a man has so far corrupted and prostituted the chastity of his mind, as to subscribe his professional belief to things he does not believe himself, he has prepared himself for the commission of every other crime. The Brezhnev era in the Soviet Union really put Paine's quote into practice. At that time, the Soviet leadership was permeated with political corruption and moral collapse like a plague. They shouted the ideals of communism aloud, but in reality they only relied on violence and lies to maintain their political privileges and economic privileges, enjoying endless glory and wealth, completely detached from the Soviet people. Every field practiced nepotism and self-selection - nominating and electing themselves. And Brezhnev, who maintained his rule for 18 years, was naturally no exception. Undoubtedly, in such a political and social environment, ordinary people simply could not see any hope in life. The whole society was stagnant under the veil of interest groups' monopoly of privileges, with severe solidification of classes. For example, in 1966, the average age of the Soviet leadership was 59, and by 1981 it had become 70. In other words, they were still the same group of people. So people joked: Where is the most beautiful nursing home in the world? The answer is the Kremlin. In the face of such social realities, the following jokes circulated at that time:
It is said that Brezhnev saw a man carrying a watermelon on the road. Brezhnev wanted to eat it very much, so he stopped the car and called the man over, saying, sell me the watermelon. The man replied: Okay, Comrade Brezhnev, please pick one. Brezhnev was very surprised: But there is only one watermelon! "Yes, that was how we picked you too."
After Brezhnev became the CPSU General Secretary, he brought his old mother from the countryside to Moscow. After she arrived, Brezhnev proudly showed her his luxurious villa, high-end cars and expensive furniture. Brezhnev asked: Mom, what do you think of all this? The old lady said: My son, of course all this is very good. But my son, what will you do when the Communist Party comes?
A leader was giving a speech on stage: The Soviet Union will develop into the most perfect society in the future, and "we" will all live in prosperity. A member of the audience listening to the report meekly asked: When "you" are prosperous, what about "us"?
An old general was taking a walk with his grandson. The grandson asked: Grandpa, when I grow up, can I become a general too? The old general said: Of course you can. The little grandson then asked again: Then can I become a marshal? The old general sighed and said: No, because the marshals also have their own grandsons.
In fact, not only Brezhnev himself and the Soviet leadership, but the entire Soviet people at that time were very clear that the ideals had collapsed, beliefs had shattered, and hopes were out of the question. People were just living in a huge scam, but they still had to reluctantly sing praises. And in the face of the cold reality, what else could the Soviets do besides being cynical and muddling along? There was political apathy and moral nihilism everywhere, and everyone lived a life of absurd double personality. In this environment, the entire Soviet Union fell into complete stagnation and even regression. After Brezhnev took power, he soon abolished all of Khrushchev's reform results. For example, he stopped releasing prisoners from prison, and also stopped the work of redressing those who were wrongly convicted and political prisoners during the Stalin era.
Not only that, in order to maintain his dictatorship, from 1965 Brezhnev began to re-arrest intellectuals again, and labeled many people who raised criticisms as traitors to the motherland. At the same time, in order to establish his absolute authority, he followed Stalin's Soviet Union and frantically created a cult of personality. There is a joke that says a Soviet opened the TV and found Brezhnev speaking on the first channel. He switched to the second channel, and still found Brezhnev speaking. He turned to the third channel, still the same. Finally on the fourth channel, good, it was not Brezhnev. Instead a KGB agent appeared, waving his hand saying don't switch channels anymore.
Of course, the most famous thing about Brezhnev's cult of personality was granting himself all kinds of honors, the most representative being his medals. Statistics show that Brezhnev received a total of 260 medals in his life, note, not 260 pieces, but 260 types. He was nicknamed the "Knight of Socialist Labor." He had 5 Gold Stars medals of Hero of the Soviet Union and 5 gold medals of Hero of Socialist Labor alone, while Marshal Zhukov, who was battle hardened, only received 46 medals in his entire life. So there was a joke that said Brezhnev was going to have surgery, a breast enlargement surgery, in order to wear more medals. In addition, there were two other less sophisticated jokes:
It is said someone tried to assassinate Brezhnev but failed, because the bullet penetrated the car's bulletproof glass and hit Brezhnev's chest medal, then bounced back and killed the driver.
Last night there was an earthquake in Moscow, but scholars are skeptical about it, because Moscow is not located in an earthquake zone. After research, they concluded that it was Comrade Brezhnev's jacket with medals falling to the ground.
In addition to granting himself honors, Brezhnev's cult of personality also had a usual practice of fabricating a glorious resume and legendary stories, through which an image of a proletarian revolutionary was created. Of course Brezhnev himself did not have the ability to make up stories. These stories were nothing more than others' wild guesses, and as a result some of the stories were so far-fetched that they became extremely sophisticated jokes.
It is said that in 1970 an old Bolshevik wrote a memoir, which said: One day in October 1917, Lenin and his comrades were walking down the streets of St. Petersburg, discussing when to launch the uprising. At this moment, a thick-browed little boy walked towards them and said to them: Uncles, October 25 would be good. Lenin then asked: The 25th is indeed good, little friend, what's your name? The little boy said: My name is Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev. And so the date of the October Revolution was determined.
In late April 1945, Marshal Zhukov called Stalin to report on military developments and battle plans. Stalin replied: Comrade Zhukov, your battle plan is very good, but please give me 15 minutes to discuss it with Colonel Brezhnev.
You see, many jokes are like this. They are not deliberately made up, but are absurd plots that really happened under certain circumstances, and they themselves become even more absurd than jokes. There were many similar things at that time, so in this case, Brezhnev and the Soviet leadership could not distinguish whether a remark or story was from the heart's praise and support, or a disguised way of telling jokes in a high pitch. Therefore, although telling jokes was still taboo during the Brezhnev era, it was much more tolerant compared to the Stalin and Khrushchev eras. Statistics show that during his 18-year rule, only about 3,000 people were arrested for anti-Soviet propaganda, averaging less than 120 per year. Even during Khrushchev's thaw period, the number of people arrested in 2 years was more than Brezhnev's first ten years. From 1964 to 1981, not a single person was arrested or tried for telling jokes. After 1981 there were a few sporadic cases, but at most, a woman was exiled for 5 years for joking.
In fact, stepping back, building a cult of personality is not wrong in itself. Let's think rationally. Oftentimes, a reasonable cult of personality can play the role of uniting the whole country. But the problem is it depends on the person. Stalin, Caesar, Gandhi were fine, but Brezhnev simply did not have Stalin's ability and wisdom. Stepping further back, incompetence is not a big deal. After all, politicians are not experts and scholars. There is a saying heroes care not for their origins, ministers care not for their monarch. Academic level, or even how many books read, are not the criteria for judging a political leader. However, perhaps precisely because of his low cultural level, Brezhnev was afraid that having read little would affect his image among the Soviet people. So he insisted on packaging himself as a cultural figure. The most typical event was in 1970 when he had someone ghostwrite a three-volume autobiography for him: Little Land, Revival, and Virgin Lands. Then he also awarded himself the Lenin Prize in Literature. This kind of false honors made the Soviets feel very funny. Since you have no shame yourself, then don't blame us for telling jokes about you:
It is said that the phone rang in Brezhnev's residence. His wife picked up the phone and heard a woman's voice. She then asked who she was. The woman replied that she was Ilyich's old classmate. His wife yelled: You bitch, Ilyich never went to school!
At a Politburo meeting, Brezhnev excitedly said: Comrades all say I wrote those three memoirs well. Get me a set someday and I'll read them too.
Brezhnev was strolling on the streets of Moscow when he suddenly saw a monument. He asked the person beside him: Whose monument is this? "It's Chekhov's, Comrade Ilyich." "Oh great, I’ve read his The Hunter's Sketches." “Sorry, Comrade Ilyich, The Hunter's Notebook was not written by Chekhov, but Turgenev.” “Oh really? How stupid. The Hunter's Sketches was written by Turgenev, but Chekhov got a monument!”
1980, the opening ceremony of the Moscow Olympics. Brezhnev delivered the opening speech, and as soon as he opened his mouth it was OOOOO. His assistant hurriedly reminded him: Comrade Ilyich, your speech is down below, that's the Olympic symbol.
Of course, although it was said that joking was not severely punished during the Brezhnev era, in order to maintain his own authority and consolidate his rule, Brezhnev and the Soviet leadership still ruled with an iron fist domestically. Like in the Stalin and Khrushchev eras, facing the politically oppressive environment, people still chose to tell jokes, twisting the dangerous reality into a game, thus reducing the impact of danger on people and dulling people's fear and pain, releasing suppressed emotions a little. At the same time, it was also through telling jokes that political reality and social reality were satirized and denounced:
It is said that an old man accidentally fell into the water. He shouted for help in the water, but two policemen who saw it just watched and walked away laughing. In desperation, the old man had a bright idea and shouted: Down with Brezhnev! The two policemen were shocked when they heard this. They immediately jumped into the river, dragged him ashore and arrested him.
Brezhnev and U.S. President Carter were meeting in Switzerland. During the break, the two were very bored, so they made a bet to compare whose bodyguard was more loyal. Carter went first. He called over his bodyguard, then pushed open the window and said: John, jump down from here! John cried and said: How can you do this, Mr. President? I still have a wife and kids! Carter was moved and apologized to John in tears, then John left. Next it was Brezhnev's turn. He also called over his bodyguard: Ivan, jump down from here! Without a word, Ivan moved to started to jump down. Carter grabbed him and said: Are you crazy? You still have a wife and kids! Ivan shouted: Let me go, you bastard. I still have a wife and kids!
Brezhnev visited India and saw a large number of Indians warmly welcoming him at the airport. So he asked Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi: How did you get so many people to welcome me? Gandhi replied: Anyone who comes to welcome you can get 5 rupees. A few years later when Gandhi visited the Soviet Union, tens of thousands of Soviets welcomed her from the airport to the streets of Moscow. So Gandhi asked Brezhnev: How did you get so many people to welcome me? Brezhnev replied: Any Muscovite who does not come to welcome you is fined 5 rubles per person.
Nixon visited the Soviet Union. He asked Brezhnev: Why don't your workers rebel when their life is so hard? Brezhnev did not answer him, but took him to a workshop. Brezhnev shouted to the workers: Starting tomorrow, your wages will be reduced! There was a round of applause below. He continued: Starting tomorrow, you will have to increase your working hours! There was another round of applause below. Brezhnev kept shouting: Starting tomorrow, one in ten people will be hanged! There was still a round of applause below. Then the workers asked: Do we prepare the rope ourselves or will it be provided by the union?
Comrade Suslov passed away. Colleagues and friends all came to the memorial. As a result, a doctor found that Brezhnev was in a daze, lost in thought, as if thinking hard about something. Then he said to his companion: Now many people suffer from cerebral arteriosclerosis. This disease has become our main enemy. As soon as Brezhnev heard their discussion, he immediately retorted: No, our main enemy now is not cerebral arteriosclerosis, but lack of discipline. You see, everyone has been waiting for half an hour, but Comrade Suslov still hasn't come!
Not only domestic oppression, but in the diplomatic field, the Soviet Union under Brezhnev, like its Cold War rival the United States, practiced hegemony and power politics, aggressively interfering in other countries' domestic affairs. Naturally the countries under the influence of Soviet power were very unhappy, but they did not dare to speak up under the shadow of the Soviet Union. So like the Soviets, they also chose humor to express dissatisfaction, confront cruel reality, and expose Soviet bullying diplomacy.
It is said that the British Prime Minister, the U.S. President, Brezhnev, and the Czechoslovak General Secretary Dubcek were sightseeing in a hot air balloon. As a result, the balloon leaked air and could not lift the four people and started to descend, a crisis, someone had to sacrifice themselves, otherwise all four would die. First the U.S. President shouted: Long live freedom! Then jumped down. The balloon's descent slowed down, but after a while, more air leaked out, so a second person needed to jump down. This time the British Prime Minister shouted: For Her Majesty the Queen! Then jumped down. The balloon slowed for a while but it was still hopeless, leaking more air and continuing to descend. So Brezhnev shouted: For the socialist family! After saying that, he threw Dubcek out.
Brezhnev visited Egypt. Egyptian President Sadat requested three aids from the Soviet Union. The first was 1 million tons of coal. Brezhnev said no problem. The second was 20 oceangoing freighters. Brezhnev said that was completely doable. Sadat thanked Brezhnev and said I just have one small final request. I want a bicycle to give to my child as a birthday present. As a result Brezhnev frowned. He said, that's not possible, the Polish don't make bicycles.
(From this joke, we can see the Soviet Union's power politics over Poland, so now we have to take out the most famous Polish joke) Brezhnev was about to visit Poland. The Polish authorities found a famous painter and ordered him to create a painting as a gift for Brezhnev. The theme was "Brezhnev in Poland." The painter was very reluctant. He didn't want to make such a fawning work, but under the authorities' coercion, he still accepted the job. After the painting was completed, a Polish senior official came to inspect it, and the result shocked him. The picture showed a man and a woman to the utmost intimacy on a luxurious big bed, and the view from the window was clearly the Kremlin. The official angrily asked: What is this? Who is this woman? The painter replied: Brezhnev's wife. "Then who is this man?" "Brezhnev's secretary." The official was furious: So where is Comrade Brezhnev? The painter calmly replied: Comrade Brezhnev is in Poland.
There is another joke about Sadat and the Soviet Union. In the era of Sadat's predecessor Nasser, Egypt leaned toward the Soviet camp. After all, Egypt needed the Soviet Union's support to take back control of the Suez Canal from the Western powers. But when it came to Sadat, he ended Egypt's strategic partnership with the Soviet Union. There were also many unpleasant things between them because of the issue of the Soviet military presence and military cooperation. Plus Sadat wanted to develop the economy, so in the end, it was a split from the Soviet Union. This made Brezhnev very dissatisfied. There is a joke about this:
It is said that Brezhnev picked up the phone and called the Egyptian presidential palace: I am Brezhnev, I want to speak to Sadat's widow. The other end of the phone was surprised and asked: Widow? But President Sadat is still alive! Brezhnev was heard roaring furiously: Bastard! Why was the scheduled action time delayed?
(Finally there is a joke related to Finland) In 1978, Brezhnev suggested to Finnish President Kekkonen that the border between the Soviet Union and Finland should be abolished. Kekkonen was very interested at first, but later still refused. His reason was: I am too old to manage such a big country, it would be somewhat difficult.
That is the political reality of the Soviet Union during the Brezhnev era. Domestically, paying lip service to ideals and beliefs, but in reality, interest groups monopolized political power and economic benefits, and there was no progress in the development of the national economy at all. The various problems of the past still existed and were deeply rooted. The entire Soviet society saw no vitality. Some joked, Lenin and Stalin showed how to run the country, Khrushchev tried to show anyone could run the country, and Brezhnev is showing: the country does not need to be managed at all. In such a reality, on the one hand, the Soviet people were misanthropic, and on the other hand, they compromised. This split personality eventually turned into a kind of non-rejecting understanding, clear-headed non-resistance, and unidentified acceptance. Live one day at a time, who works hard and busy for whom?
Externally, the Soviet Union shouted about proletarian brothers and proletarian friendship, but in reality it only relied on military and political power to force other countries into submission.
There may not be true friends, but hidden resentments were growing. Of course we must admit that during this period, under the impetus of the US-Soviet rivalry, Soviet science and technology made great strides, achieving first place in the world in many fields, and even surpassed United States in some fields. But apart from the national system, the Soviet national economy was still in a state of collapse.
The economic downturn and collapse, and no hope in sight, plus the corruption and perfunctory of the Soviet leadership, at that time the entire Soviet society was filled with fraud, theft and deception. It can be said that comprehensive and systemic corruption was breeding and spreading throughout the Soviet Union, from top to bottom. The Soviet people were also worried about this moral disorder, but ultimately they were helpless. Brezhnev's niece Lyubov Brezhnev recalled that during my uncle’s rule, theft became the norm of daily life. No one felt that theft was a shameful act. You allow the theft of the country, why not allow me to steal a hook? In fact, Brezhnev was well aware of this. Once, someone told him that wages were too low and life was hard for the common people. As a result, Brezhnev answered this way: In this age, no one relies on wages to live. Here are some jokes that reflect the socio-economic conditions in the Soviet Union at that time:
A Soviet's house was always being robbed. He asked his neighbor very annoyedly: When will our things stop being stolen? The neighbor said: When communist society comes, it will stop being stolen. The man was very puzzled and asked: Why? The neighbor replied: Because everything would have been stolen away during the socialist stage.
Brezhnev asked the Pope: Why do people believe in the Catholic heaven but not the Communist heaven? The Pope replied: It's because we've never let anyone see our heaven.
At a press conference, someone asked Brezhnev: Comrade Ilyich, why is there a lack of meat products in the Soviet Union? Brezhnev clearly replied: The reason for the problem is that we are advancing vigorously towards communism, but the growth rate of livestock cannot keep up with us!
It is said that scientists invented a computer that could calculate the distance to communism. So under Brezhnev's supervision, the scientists entered all the information and the computer started calculating. A few days later, the computer finally produced the result: 18 km. The scientists were very shocked. The distance was so close, it must have miscalculated. So they recalculated it once, and the result was still the same 18 km. At this point, a boiler worker suddenly realized. He said to the scientists: Comrades, there is no miscalculation. Comrade Brezhnev has told us that every five-year plan brings us one step closer to communism!
Of course, facing the political and social environment in the Soviet Union, some people chose not to endure it anymore. In the 1970s, there was a wave of emigration overseas in the Soviet Union, most of whom were Jews emigrating mainly to Israel and the United States. So many jokes related to emigration also emerged during this period:
It is said that a Soviet applied for emigration. The official asked him why do you want to emigrate? The man replied: My uncle in the United States is ill. I have to go take care of him. The official then asked: Why don't you bring your uncle to the Soviet Union? We will take care of him too. "Sorry, my uncle is sick in body, not in mind."
A Jew went to process emigration. The staff asked him: Why do you want to leave the Soviet Union? The Jew said there were two reasons. The first reason was that my neighbor threatened us and said that when the Soviet Union collapses one day, he would kill our whole family. The staff said don't worry about this. The Soviet Union will never collapse, you know that. The Jew said: That's right, that's exactly why I want to emigrate, the second reason.
Someone asked a Soviet official: The U.S. has landed on the moon, why isn't our government anxious to land on the moon? The official replied: What if the astronauts refuse to come back?
The above are the political jokes of the Brezhnev era in the Soviet Union. Through these jokes we can see that everyone silently endured muddling along. When people were powerless to change the status quo, perhaps waiting was the only choice. Some joked that the Lenin era was like being in a tunnel, dark on all sides, but there was light ahead; the Stalin era was like being on a bus, with one person driving, half of the people on the bus sitting as if in prison, the other half standing and shivering; the Khrushchev era was like a circus, with one person talking non-stop there, and everyone else laughing out loud; the Brezhnev era was like a terrible movie, with everyone waiting for the movie to end and the audience to disperse sooner. Here is a joke that reflects people's eagerness:
It is said that Brezhnev was giving a speech in the square. As he picked up his speech, he read: The passing of Comrade Brezhnev makes us very sad... There was an uproar among the masses in the square. Brezhnev also realized something was wrong. He put his hand in his pocket for a moment, then said: Comrades, I'm sorry, when I left the Politburo, I put on Comrade Andropov's suit.
The following is the last joke to end this series:
Marx was broadcasting a speech in the Soviet Union. Brezhnev said to him: Comrade Karl, although you were the founder, we have collective leadership in the Soviet Union, so I will only allow you to say one sentence, and you have to take responsibility for it yourself. Marx said no problem. So he leaned closer to the microphone and shouted loudly: Proletarians of all countries, forgive me!