Today, one of my best friends told me about her horrifying experiences with "pig-butchering plates" (scams related to gambling, etc.), many of which occur on popular dating apps and even Instagram. She has also received some disgusting messages from men. As always, my initial reaction was to wonder why people still fall for these low-level schemes. Even if the scammers are casting a wide net, the actual rate of people falling for it seems to be higher than one would expect. I think this can be explained by the way internet algorithms disseminate "non-real" information (not false information, but information that skews our perception of society). The emergence of scammers may have a strong correlation with loneliness.
For instance, the mainstream online discourse about marriage and childbearing seems to be about remaining unmarried and childless (but once you actually reach the age of 30, you realize that all of this is nonsense - at least in China - Also, low marriage and fertility rates are real, but can a few percentage points of decline be related to the mainstream discourse on the internet?)
This phenomenon is directly due to the mainstream voices on the internet representing only a small group of people who are politically correct. Currently, the loudest voices on social media are young females under 25 who are fans of celebrities. Their characteristics are:
- Self-assured because of their youth
- Limited emotional needs
- Focused on making money in such a declining economy
- Can easily find male friends due to their looks and school experience
- Can easily find a large group of like-minded people to hang out with
- Still treated like big babies at home
- No housing issues (renting, etc.)
- Parents are entering middle age and are healthy (no expensive illnesses)
These women are arguably at the peak of their lives in terms of interactions with the opposite sex. It's not that difficult for male colleagues or bosses to initiate something.
Generally, the biggest contradiction for these women is that they want to spend money but don't have it. So, what we see online is a group of people with no serious concerns other than making money:
- They don't yet know what loneliness is (not just in terms of romantic partners but also meaningful friendships)
- They lack the ability to resist loneliness
- Men of the same age and period have a much greater ability to resist loneliness
As they age and friends get busy with their careers, conversations increasingly turn to topics like children. They start to feel very lonely and seek emotional value. Unfortunately, for ordinary people, the only ones willing to meet their emotional needs are scammers (including games, although the female gaming community seems to be small). Typical examples:
- Many people flock to the live streams of Xiucai and make donations
- Many are willing to chat with health product sellers (scammers)
Do their voices get high exposure according to the logic of internet algorithms? These clichéd statements don't make headlines. Middle-aged women have almost zero say online, which is determined by algorithms that prioritize excitement and novelty. However, this doesn't mean the voices of both middle-aged and young people are wrong; they are both right in my view. The problem is the unequal exposure.
Women who fantasize about sponsoring young men (sugar mommy) probably won't have money in the future and will likely not be attractive in their forties and fifties. Their dating pool shrinks compared to their younger days. The idea that choices increase with age is ludicrously wrong for most people. How many of the exposed middle-aged women who sponsor young men come from ordinary backgrounds? If they are wealthy, powerful, or attractive, even men would be willing to bite the bullet. These women also had plenty of suitors when they were young (and the quality of their suitors declines as they age). They get more exposure mainly because the topic is hot and more shocking than middle-aged men sponsoring young girls (traditional sugar daddy - dull story).
So, the conclusion is: live your life the way you see fit. Making yourself happy is always better than forcing yourself to meet others' standards.
Lastly, this is not to say that men have it all good. Ordinary men also seem to have little say. Men who do get exposure usually have at least one of the following: power, money, or looks. They can be lonely too, but their resilience is generally stronger.